All Hallow's Eve
by zoulvisia
Summary: The pilots' respective thoughts on death and the dead. Written for the GW500 challenge halloween.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** All Hallow's Eve

**Author:** zoulvisia

**Pairing/Characters:** The pilots, no pairings

**Word count: **967 overall, 222 for pt. 1

**Rating/Warnings:** G – PG-13; some disturbing imagery in pt. 5

**Summary:** A series of drabbles outlining different thoughts of the five pilots on death, dying and the people they have killed.

**Author's Notes:** I wrote the different parts with a different pilot in mind for each part, and I've put down who I had in mind for each part at the very end; however, if you feel that a drabble fits another pilot better... well, it's really up to you to decide who is who! There isn't much set in stone here D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GW, or any of the characters who inspired these drabbles.

**All Hallow's Eve pt. 1**

They're _talking_ again.

Why won't they just shut up? I keep on asking myself and my mind is running in circles. They're _talki—_

No, I've already said that.

I think I'm going insane.

But who wouldn't, with them... _talking_? AND THEY WON'T SHUT UP.

Listen. Listen. No, you can't hear them, but listen to _me_. When you've got a thousand, two thousand people telling you you're crazy, a murderer, you shouldn't be alive, you begin to believe them. Because it's _thousands of people. _And what's more, in your heart you know they're right.

And they won't shut up.

Other people—living people, that is—have been telling me today to shut up. I'm too loud, I'm annoying them, distracting them. But I'm only talking so loud so long so fast because it's the only way I can drown _them_ out. I can't shut up because in the silence I find the truth. Waiting for me. Like a monster, under the bed, in the closets, in the dark places where no-one goes.

But the others, the living ones, they don't get it.

I think I like it better than way, because if they did then they wouldn't want to be around me any more. And then I'd just be left with myself and the silence.

And _them._

Why won't they shut up...?


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** All Hallow's Eve

**Author:** zoulvisia

**Pairing/Characters:** The pilots, no pairings

**Word count: **967 overall, 161 for pt. 2

**Rating/Warnings:** G – PG-13; some disturbing imagery in pt. 5

**Summary:** A series of drabbles outlining different thoughts of the five pilots on death, dying and the people they have killed.

**Author's Notes:** I wrote the different parts with a different pilot in mind for each part, and I've put down who I had in mind for each part at the very end; however, if you feel that a drabble fits another pilot better... well, it's really up to you to decide who is who! There isn't much set in stone here D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GW, or any of the characters who inspired these drabbles.

**All Hallow's Eve pt. 2**

It struck me today that if I lit a candle for ever person I killed, I could cover a whole field with them. The candles, not the people I killed; though both could be true. I have killed a lot of people. I would light a candle for each of them—to remember. To let them know, if they're watching, I didn't forget them. I never will.

On this night of the year, people used to light bonfires to ward off spirits; I will light candles to remember them because I am not afraid of them.

Yes. I could light a candle for each person I killed and I would have enough tiny lights to cover a field; it would be a place where people could come after dark to stand in the light, look down to see the bloodstains on their hands, and know that it's all right.

The candles are lit tonight.

All is forgiven, and I sleep easy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** All Hallow's Eve

**Author:** zoulvisia

**Pairing/Characters:** The pilots, no pairings

**Word count: **967 overall, 209 for pt. 3

**Rating/Warnings:** G – PG-13; some disturbing imagery in pt. 5

**Summary:** A series of drabbles outlining different thoughts of the five pilots on death, dying and the people they have killed.

**Author's Notes:** I wrote the different parts with a different pilot in mind for each part, and I've put down who I had in mind for each part at the very end; however, if you feel that a drabble fits another pilot better... well, it's really up to you to decide who is who! There isn't much set in stone here D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GW, or any of the characters who inspired these drabbles.

**All Hallow's Eve pt. 3**

Today, that annoying girl whose name I don't even know asked me, "Nature or nurture?" It's an age-old question and it made me think.

Today is Halloween. It's a day with connotations to death. People used to believe that today the dead walk amongst the living; the walls between the worlds are thinned and the spirits come to visit those they loved, those they hated, their murderers, their friends. Or just total strangers.

People have been avoiding me today; I think it's not so much the glare but the fact that they can't get through the crowd of ghosts surrounding me, following me. Watching me and, of course, haunting me.

However, she—the nameless girl—doesn't seem to be deterred. She walked right up to me, where I sit drinking coffee to wake myself up from the nightmares, and asked me. "Nature or nurture?" We're in philosophy class together, you see, and she seems to think we're friends.

I don't believe in ghosts but I do believe that what I did wasn't a good thing. It wasn't _evil_; it was necessary. But still wrong. It still weighs on my conscience.

"Nurture," I tell her firmly.

After all, it is better to be shaped _(into an assassin)_ than born.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** All Hallow's Eve

**Author:** zoulvisia

**Pairing/Characters:** The pilots, no pairings

**Word count: **967 overall, 126 for pt. 4

**Rating/Warnings:** G – PG-13; some disturbing imagery in pt. 5

**Summary:** A series of drabbles outlining different thoughts of the five pilots on death, dying and the people they have killed.

**Author's Notes:** I wrote the different parts with a different pilot in mind for each part, and I've put down who I had in mind for each part at the very end; however, if you feel that a drabble fits another pilot better... well, it's really up to you to decide who is who! There isn't much set in stone here D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GW, or any of the characters who inspired these drabbles.

**All Hallow's Eve pt. 4**

Because nobody is reading this and nobody ever will read this, I will confess: sometimes I wonder why I get up in the mornings. But I always do; I will not let myself succumb to this... depression.

Sometimes it eats away at me, what I have done. The people I have killed haunt my dreams—yes, I admit it. I have nightmares. I have guilt, even.

But not too much. On the days when I wake up and just want to close my eyes again, I can be strong.

Because for everything I did, I had a reason. A good reason. A just reason. And that is enough that I can look the spectres of the dead in the eye and say: you don't scare me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** All Hallow's Eve

**Author:** zoulvisia

**Pairing/Characters:** The pilots, no pairings

**Word count: **967 overall, 250 for pt. 5

**Rating/Warnings:** G – PG-13; some disturbing imagery in pt. 5

**Summary:** A series of drabbles outlining different thoughts of the five pilots on death, dying and the people they have killed.

**Author's Notes:** I wrote the different parts with a different pilot in mind for each part, and I've put down who I had in mind for each part at the very end; however, if you feel that a drabble fits another pilot better... well, it's really up to you to decide who is who! There isn't much set in stone here D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own GW, or any of the characters who inspired these drabbles.

**All Hallow's Eve pt. 5**

I am not afraid of death.

I am not afraid of things which I know, and I know death. I've seen people die in a hundred different ways; from blood loss, heart attacks, fever, gangrene, from being blown to bits... It doesn't scare me. I'm not afraid of very much, really, because I'm not living; I'm just waiting.

Waiting to die.

Waiting for that bomb I don't see that makes me explode into a million bits of brain and bone and blood; waiting for that wound that doesn't get treated soon enough, that gets infected, that pours out too much blood onto the ground, the dirt, my clothes. I have never been alive. I have never understood what people feel when someone says "I love you" and means it, what people feel when someone says "I hate you" and means it, what they feel when they know that someone holds them in their heart.

So I am not haunted. I... I do not feel guilt.

I do what is necessary. Nothing more, nothing less. Feeling guilty is not necessary. Worrying about death, about the dead, is not necessary.

For some reason, people want to be close to me. They want to love me and want me to love me back. But I can't, because that...

That is what I am afraid of. Of being alive. Of losing... losing everything. Losing the fearlessness. Losing the guiltlessness. Losing what I have spent years achieving.

Losing the only thing I was born with.

**End notes:** For those of you who were wondering, the characters I had in mind for each drabble were: Duo for pt. 1, Quatre for pt. 2, Heero for pt. 3, Wufei for pt. 4, and Trowa for pt. 5. Also, I should note that there may be a minor discrepancy between this version and the one on my website.

Also, I just want to say this WAS written in time for Hallowe'en. It's just that I've only gotten 'round to posting it here on now D

Feedback is much appreciated!

-zoulvisia, aka Tristan


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